Ending a season of silence

Those of you who have come along with me on journeys over the  years know that I love to tell stories.  I love to share everything from the depths to shallow hilarities.

However, I’ve been silent for a while now.

We’ve been in the States for a little over 2 years, and I haven’t written much.  There has been a deep sadness that words on black and white can’t really explain, or shouldn’t be written and put “out there”.  Those words are only for a select few in my life, and they have had their ears full.  However, outside of the brokenness, the silence has been caused by my world shrinking; and the large majority of those with whom I spend my time aren’t people who like to be written about.  Then, there are my jobs with autistic kids and at the church where I can’t really write much because of confidentiality.

At the root of it, though…

It is a lot easier to communicate with my friends being back in the States. I talk with dear people almost every morning on my drive to one job or another, and I spend time with people in the evenings.  So, there isn’t this deep need to be heard, to speak out, to share about differences… because my life isn’t really different from the “normal US life” anymore.

I go shopping at Old Navy.

I buy my groceries at Costco and at the International grocery store down the street.

I drive myself to work on a busy highway everyday.

We have a puppy.

We have a washer, dryer, dishwasher, lawnmower, clothes for every season, and a window air-conditioner (let alone an endless supply of dill pickles and cheddar cheese!).

Leo and I both have “real jobs” with health insurance.

We have great neighbors that we’ve come to love and share meals together.

We have a garden (that our puppy ate most of the veggies out of this year… lol!).

But, in the middle of it all, there has been a slow process of handing over this season to the Lord… for however long it takes. It means handing over each day, each conversation, each moment.  I’ve gone from being angry that we’re here, to realizing that TODAY is the only “today” I’ll get.  I might never have another opportunity for a conversation, or to give (or receive) an encouraging word.  Life goes by so quickly, especially here in the US.  People move so much and are involved in so many different things, that I’ve learned to just take advantage of opportunities to share with people while I have them close.

I’ve learned how easy it is to just send a text to someone when you’re thinking about them.

That not a lot of people really mean “great” when you ask how they’re doing… and it’s not until you ask “how are you REALLY doing” and take time to listen that you learn the truth.

It is a really special thing to just invite someone over to your house for dinner, no matter what the house looks like, and no matter what you cook.  I’ve been blessed to have some great conversations over lentils and rice.

All that to say…

I think there are some moments that are worth writing about now.